I love my husband of 20 years, but our sexual differences are putting a strain on our marriage. Ten years ago, he asked me to talk dirty to him most having sex with other men. It has progressed to him wanting to exist a cuckold. I only want to be with him, but he presses the issue past verbalizing cuckold situations during sex. This makes me shut my eyes and shut down. By the fourth dimension he is done, I take no desire to orgasm because I no longer feel attractive. Worse, I experience like I am not enough for him. The only way he tin can get off is to talk about, call up about, or hear me talk about having sexual activity with other men. It makes me feel worthless as a sexual activity partner—which is crazy, because I am attractive and open to a great deal of things (toys, games, dressing up, striptease, etc.). I long for him to touch me, kiss me, and wait at me the way he used to. He is a good father and a good provider, and I love him. But this matter is burdensome my self-esteem. I won't stay much longer if this continues. —Extremely Frustrated Female Experiencing Despair

Your husband was probably reading cuckolding blogs for years before he worked up the nerve to raise the field of study, EFFED, and here's what he's gleaned: Husband brings it up, wife shoots it down, married man whines, wife agrees to explore it equally fantasy only, and and then one day—later on months or years of dirty talk—wife announces she wants to give it a try. She winds upwardly loving it, she says she regrets waiting so long, and husband lives happily ever later in cuckolded elation. Reading so many cuckolding success stories—many likely fictitious—has left your husband convinced that if he only keeps at information technology, i twenty-four hours his married woman will want to try it. (Some wives exercise try it and like it. I got a letter of the alphabet from a adult female who's angry that her husband—after years of dirty talk and a half-dozen cuckolding experiences—has decided that it isn't for him after all. He doesn't want her sleeping with other men; she doesn't want to go dorsum to sleeping with just him. Dr. Cuckenstein created a monster.)

Tell your hubby in no uncertain terms that yous don't want to hear about cuckolding anymore. Period. He is free to think about whatever he wants to during sex—we all are—simply he has to keep his cuckolding fantasies to himself. Wrap up the convo past informing him that from now on, your sexual practice sessions cease the moment the bailiwick of y'all sleeping with other men is raised. No more closing your eyes and waiting for him to finish. (And what kind of asshole can finish nether those circumstances?) If he brings upward other men, EFFED, get off the bed, get out of the sleeping accommodation, and go to the kitchen and have some ice cream. Your husband needs to find a new erotic script that works for y'all both. The incentive for him: Since you are open up to many things—toys, games, dressing upwardly, striptease—a fantasy scenario that turns you on is probable to get a reality scenario pretty chop-chop.

Finally, EFFED, cuckolds don't run into their wives as unattractive. Cuckolds see their wives as so desirable—and then insatiable—that they're incapable of giving their wives all of the sexual attention they deserve. Merely I tin can run into why you're upset. Yous want sexual activity to be almost the 2 of you, virtually the intimacy you share (or used to share), and your inconsiderate married man is always running his mouth near people who aren't in the room. It's understandable that you would feel like you're not enough for him afterward 10 years of this bullshit. But your husband'southward cuckolding fantasies don't hateful he finds you unattractive—they hateful the exact reverse. —Dan

I am a 28-twelvemonth-old married straight male. I take a lot of confusion regarding my sexual orientation and gender identity, and I am in therapy. My question for you is nearly my electric current self-pleasuring routine. I get high and watch "sissy self-hypnosis" videos. These videos consist of text, pictures, and subliminal suggestions aimed at hypnotizing straight males into some kind of "mind control" sex slavery. Some are about cuckolding and femdom; some are about existence brainwashed into sucking cock. It is all washed in a really non-expert and (hopefully) ineffective way. Am I destroying my encephalon hither? —Human Wondering Nigh Hypnosis

I oasis't encountered any glassy-eyed straight guys wandering around my gay neighborhood offering to suck cock, so I'k thinking these videos are ineffective. They sound like a harmless way for an otherwise salubrious, stable straight guy to fantasize about ceding his ability and privilege to people the culture taught him to regard every bit weak and junior, i.eastward., women and fags. That said, MWAH, it doesn't sound like you're an otherwise good for you, stable direct guy. You're dislocated about your sexual orientation and gender identity, and you're working on those issues with a shrink. That being the instance, MWAH, I think you lot might wanna avoid these videos for the time being. —Dan

I always told myself that I would forgive my husband if he cheated on me. Well, he had an thing for eight months. He too blew through our savings and racked up considerable credit-menu debt. The college fund we started for our ii children is gone. He spent all of the money on fancy dinners, expensive gifts, and incredible vacations for his girlfriend. I am so angry, I tin't imagine staying. My husband ended the affair and wants desperately to save our marriage. As much as information technology pains me to subject my kids to divorce, I don't know if I tin can commit to him again. Is the best option to DTMFA? —Heartbroken

Sexual infidelity is one affair—and it'due south a relatively mutual matter (so people should go into spousal relationship prepared to work through information technology)—only nosotros're not talking about one affair hither. We're talking about a whole serial of betrayals. Your husband betrayed you sexually and financially. He stole from you. He stole from his own children.

Now, I can empathise thinking with your dick (because I accept a dick), and we tin all imagine a circumstance in which nosotros might succumb to temptation (because nosotros all experience temptation). Simply I cannot even begin to wrap my caput around how someone could spend his own children'south college fund—in improver to his family'southward savings (and taking on debt!)—on gifts, trips, and meals for his piece-of-shit on the side. (Not all "other women" are pieces of shit, just anyone who would permit her married lover to spend that kind of money on her in eight months is a flaming piece of shit.)

DTMFA.

It's advice, H, non binding arbitration. You are complimentary to make up your ain mind. And while I couldn't run across staying if I were in your shoes, I could run into myself coming together with a wedlock counselor a few times before pulling the plug—for the sake of the kids. —Dan

Send your Fell Love questions to mail@savagelove.net.